miércoles, 3 de octubre de 2012

"A Second Nose" a dogs story




A SECOND NOSE
a dogs story

First he stopped breathing then he got cold. I have seen it happen before. Fluffy dog was his name and he was my right hand for five years. I’m Mangy and I’m the pack leader so I gotta do something. The other dogs look at me keeping a little distance. They don’t know what to do and they can’t take decisions on their owns but they know that there is something wrong. It started one month ago, when Blacky showed up within our territory. I have seen it before too, it takes me back when I was a little puppy.

I was the alpha male of my litter. We were eight puppies and our mother died right after we were born and we never knew our father. I soon took my brothers away from that place, it smelled like death.  They were all watching me, waiting for me to decide what to do. I didn’t know what to do, how could I? So I ordered them to follow me. I follow my nose to a place where I could smell food. We found it in trash cans outside places where human packs sleep and eat, I think they call it houses. The food was dirty and mixed up with rubbish but it was food after all. We were starving so we threw several trash cans to the ground and ate like there was no tomorrow. When the humans saw us doing it they chased us and tried to beat us. Why did they do such a thing? They were throwing their food away after all! That day I learned to trust my nose above anything else and to keep away from humans, they were not to be trusted.

Within a few days, four of my brothers and my only sister were dead. They couldn’t make it and I didn’t feel sadness for them. They were not made to live in the streets and no member of our pack was to live with humans. So we were three, me, Spotty and Jesse. Within one year our three dogs pack turned into a six dogs pack and we knew exactly how to survive in the streets. We slept under a bridge, and then when the sun was in its highest point we went to a dark alley, at that time of the day humans always threw away cooked meat. After that we did whatever we wanted within our territory and when the sun went down, we ate at humans trash cans, trying not to wake them up.
It was not perfect but we were not as bas as other street dogs, but everything changed when another dogs pack showed up in our territory. The pack leader was a mongrel dog just like all of us, however he defintively had a husky forebear. He was gray as ash and huge as a truck. We barked at them and they run away, but they started to show up very often, until a day that they launched a surprise attack on us. We were eating at a trash can when their pack came on us. His pack was bigger than ours and they killed Bones and Jesse. At the time that their pack leader was coming to attack me a lot of humans were watching from inside their habitats and some of them were comming toward us. I threw myself down and showed my belly to the huge gray dog. That meant that I was giving up and we would leave our territory to never come back. Now it was their territory. We run away leaving behind Bones and Jesse corpses and eveything we had.
The next months were awful. We couldn’t find any place without a pack. One day Spotty found a narrow street where humans threw away some food when the sun starts to set and there was no dog around. We went there starving to death but we were just started to eat when some human threw hot water to us. I couldn’t imagine a pain worse than that, but I received just a little amount of water, Spotty was the one who received the most. His death came with the night. I did feel sadness for him.
No matter we were starving, freezing and hopeless, we stayed together. It was me, Jhonny and Fluffy Dog. They looked at me waiting for my decision. And I decided to follow my nose. There was a smell far away, it was like grass and cooked fish. We followed that track for a week and then we found a place near the sea. There was plenty of food for you if you knew when and how take it, and you shouldn’t be seen by humans. At the third day Jhonny realized that there was another pack in the territory. I already knew it, I had smelled them when I was marking my territory on a post. Jhonny told us to go away that very moment, and Fluffy Dog said that he would do what I decide.
I went scouting the territory, looking for the pack and found them gnawing bones at the shore. When Jhonny asked me how many were them I told him the truth. When Fluffy Dog asked me what we were going to do I told him that we were going to fight for this territory. When Jhonny called me crazy, Fluffy Dog told him to trust me. Sadly, Jhonny wasn’t willing to fight against such a pack and left us. I didn’t want him to go away but when he did I didn’t let me feel anything. It was me and Fluffy Dog and we had an eight dogs pack to defeat, there was no time for whining.
We were reaching the shore when Fluffy Dog told me that he was going to protect me and I told him to that his mission was to keep alive at any cost. I didn’t let him time to respond me and then I run towards the pack. Fluffy Dog run after me.
They didn’t see us comming, but I didn’t attack them, I just wanted one of them, a huge brown spotted dog, he was their pack leader. He was more experienced than me and he was defintively stronger. But I was much younger and hungrier. We engaged in a fierce fight. The other dogs tried to interfere but Fluffly Dog got between the fight and the dogs. It was incredible, he was starving and tired but he made the seven dogs to step back.
The huge brown dog bit me several times and I was really injured but I was faster than him and when he realized that I was going to win, he threw himself to the ground and showed me his belly. I told Fluffy Dog to let the other dogs see us. “You are my pack now” I told them and then I bit their pack leader throat. So he stopped to breath and then he got cold.
Five years have passed since I became this pack leader. We had really good times and Fluffy Dog had always been at my side. He was the most loyal companion that I ever had.

Now he has stopped breathing and his corpse is ice cold. The other pack members look at me waiting for answers. I have never felt so much sadness inside but Fluffy Dog and I were prepared for this. One month ago we saw Blacky. He is young and he got a five dogs pack of his own. It’s not like we had never fought against another pack but this time is different. We knew it when we saw Blacky’s eyes, they completely looked like the eyes that I had that time when I defeated the old pack leader. We knew that this day would came soon or later and now that it’s finally here I’m not scared, but I would have liked to have Fluffy Dog at my side when my time finally comes. He was a true friend and my second nose.

The End.

2 comentarios:

  1. I really enjoyed your story! How many dogs do you need to kill? haha.
    I took my time and made a lot of observations that I found that maybe you didn´t notice.
    Check your punctuation; sometimes your sentences were way too long and was difficult to read.
    Here’s what I found:
    “until (a) day that they launched a surprise attack on us”. “Until a day” sounds really weird. Maybe you should consider change it to “the”.
    “At the time that their pack leader was coming to attack me (p) a lot of humans were watching from inside their habitats (and) some of them were coming toward us.”
    “I didn’t want him to go away but (p) when he did (p) I didn’t let (me) feel anything”
    You’d never introduced the other three dogs, but suddenly “Bones” appears. Maybe if you name them sooner in the story, it will be better. I actually stopped to check out who was Bones. Spotty!
    “No matter ^ we were starving” ; “and how ^ take it” something is missing here. Don’t you think so?
    “how many were (them)” wf
    “and I told him (to) that his mission was to (keep: “stay” maybe sounds better) alive at any cost.”
    “I didn’t (let, give?) him time to respond (me)”
    “I (run) towards the pack. Fluffy Dog (run) after me.” WT
    “he made the seven dogs (to) step(ped) back.”
    “So he stopped (to) breath(ing) and (then he) got cold.”
    “Five years have passed since I became this (their?) pack leader”
    “It’s not like we had never fought against another pack but this time is(wt) different.”
    “We knew that this day would came soon(er) or later”

    I hope you take a look at it. I'm sure you'll agree with me in many.

    ASM

    ResponderEliminar
  2. In fact some of those correction were already made by the teacher, however, I think that I uploaded the first draft instead of the edited version. My fault. Nevertheless, I'm glad that you had read my story and that you'd liked it!

    ResponderEliminar